look at me i stole my mom's haircut!

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Originally uploaded by jambonchampignon.

so why havent i listened to dear catastrophe waitress before last night? this is the question that i have been pondering all day long. since last night ive listened to it about a billion times. its so good.

school is getting better i think. my self portrait project is good. its all i really care about at the moment. my teacher asked me what my major was and if it was too late to change. im so good.

friday and saturday night got completely wasted for the first and second time in forever. made some new friends. nothing exciting yet.

so im trying to meet some people who arent obnoxious and uninteresting through myspace.com . so far i think ive got the interesting down but not yet the not obnoxious. well there is a smithie who doesnt seem like she has obnoxious tendencies.

the baby shower was nice. would have liked to not stay for the whole thing it was sooo long and never ending and i knew no one. oh well. jacques torres made quiche it was amazingly delicious. i didnt get to see amanda that much cause she was constantly in baby classes. ive decided that gabe and i dont mesh at all and its just pointless to try. it could be that i just wont like anyone that amanda is with cause she is my sister. i just dont like the way she gets when she is with someone all passive and such. i think i liked darren the best because i think amanda was most herself with him.

today i had the worst air travel experience ever. american airlines, officially the crappiest airline ever since they bought twa the second crappiest airline to create the mega crappy airline, cancelled my ticket because i did not fly on the outbound flight on friday because i couldnt because of hurricane evacuation. so i had to fight and eventually they let me fly but it took an hour to get everything worked out and then i had half an hour to get through security and on the plane. of course the line was monstrous and then of course i get completely searched because i was flagged for the second time in 4 days and so in conclusion i missed my direct flight. so i had to fly to st louis. i had to go through security again and be searched completely AGAIN. and so i hate flying. so i drank a whole bunch at the st louis airport. i got to fly on an embraer jet though which was cool cause i was all like its a brazilian made airplane but like all brazilian things it wasnt big enough for me and so i had to crouch to get through the door and duck my head to stand inside the plane. i didnt however have to pay for my parking at the airport cause i think i parked in the staff parking lot. cool!

liz and i drove to memphis and we hung out with claire and we ate barbecue and we went to hot springs arkansas but the bath house closed at 3 and we got there at 330 so we couldnt go but we climbed hot springs mountain and looked out at the valley and it was really nice to be out in nature and not worrying about school at all. last night we drove around memphis and smoked a few joints and looked at all the beautiful houses in memphis. i was so impressed, it made me want to get a big beautiful house in memphis and die fat and happy. today i barely made my flight as usual but only 6 hours later i arrived in new jersey. amber made me biryani tonight and the sisters were there too. im really dirty and gross cause i have yet to take a shower today and ive been flying around and its really fucking humid and gross here.

tomorrow is the big baby shower and all those people. thinking about it is a little scary. it makes this whole baby thing seem much more real. i mean if you have seen amanda with her belly you would think im crazy cause its very real but like i think you know what i mean. i wanna cut my hair but i doubt i will have time. being in nyc is weird for some reason right now. ive been all over escaping the hurricane and now suddenly thrown back into this stuff and like even from like school which has been sooooooo stressfull these past few weeks and then this week off but knowing its coming to an end and i have to go back to the stress. i think this year im definately going on medication. i just cant live like this anymore. with the stress and the panic and like i just dont think i can deal with it AND do my work AND have friends AND be a good person

i miss ari. she holds me toghether while she tears me apart. she is a dangerous drug. i think things are going to be ok. more so than usual. im very calm and relaxed about her right now which really has almost never happened in like 2 years. we started dating 4 years ago give or take a few days. that is a really fucking long time. its almost a quarter of my short life.

just like amanda i find it strange when i come home to find that my history has been erased on my computer. not because im jealous like amanda is but because then when i type in websites ive got to type the whole name cause if its not it the history it cant fill it in for you. so then i have to be all like typing in all the letters and such work is bound to lead to carpel tunnel syndrome. ari left for paris yesterday. it feels weird. i dont know things are always so up in the air with us and i feel like she feels more inclined to be with me when things are up in the air on some level but it makes me feel uncomfortable and crazy. but these days its only when i start thinking about it. when i dont think about it its completely out of my mind which is a new thing for me. it is a great improvement. since aurora left i havent spoken to her except for once when she called and i was still asleep and our short 5 minute conversation was about a t shirt. i havent emailed denise in forever and i really should. steve(from salvador) emailed me last week and says he still wants to come visit. it was a big surprise since i havent heard from him in forever and i never write him but he was like you and vanessa made me promise id visit so im coming. i wish i was as goood a person as he is. perhaps its his wholesome quaker values. george watches bad tv. he keeps on watching things about september 11th and it makes me sick. i may be a bad person but i have never really felt much in terms of 9/11. in my opinion we had it comng and its sad but these things happen every day some places. and like i dont think it has changed my life profoundly.

i bought myself a cheap medium format camera to have some fun with. i cant wait to play with it. should be here by friday. right now im doing a study of liz. my plan is to take some nudes of her draped with an american flag. this is going to be so rushed though i dont know if im going to be able to get it done cause the darkroom just opened friday and not this weekend and not today cause of stupod labor day and so i have tomorrow and wednesday to get it all done. i must shoot today. at least two rolls. id like to go outside but i need to see if liz is awake and also i have a bunch of reading to do and i missed the second meeting with my group for wednesday and so im just fucked and i need to take care of that. so basically its just school as usual. friday was southern decadence which is a big gay party in the french quarter so we took george down there and to my suprise he was all into going down to the gay clubs and finding a boy or something. its very strange to see george like this since he has always been extremely asexual. sadly he got too drunk and scared all the boys away. he also dresses like a frat boy which doesnt help. i left and then as soon as i was close to home he was like why did you leave and so i went to pick him up. he was lying down on a street corner about 10 or fifteen blocks from the club where he was at before. meganne came for the weekend and stayed with us. i cant believe how much pot she smokes. i hope i was never like that. but anyway it was too much. amanda is 26 now and very very pregnant. has the whole world gone crazy. i had a shitty dream last night that put me in a really not so happy mood. grrr. subconscience you are a bastard!

skool skool skool. my classes are all interesting but there is a lot of work. three of them count for my writing intensive requirement of just one course. ive had to start my research for one of my papers already. being at the library during the first week of school was not cool. im getting good at the samba though still not very good. my apartment is shaping up one piece of dirty used furniture at a time. having aurora here was nice but i think sexually we dont work out. i dont know i felt especially dirty the day i slept with both ari and aurora. i had to stop halfway through. i think that the boundries between aurora and me have been too firmly established by time and breaking them is just too weird sometimes. alex yelled at her once recently saying that she was trying to turn him into me. according to her blog he was right. also he said that if they were to have an open relationship that she couldnt sleep with me. oops. well so anyway. i miss ari. and you can all yell at me for it when i come home for the baby party. but i do! ok?! i dont get to talk to her as much as i'd like to. she leaves for france a week from saturday. im going to miss her even more then and its going to be another 10 months of seperation unless i make it to france some time. i still love her more than anything/anyone in the world. but i believe life isnt supposed to be simple. i keep wishing that she would just show up here by surprise. i think that would make me the happiest person ever. the internet in my house is stolen as in someone in my building has a wireless router and i can pick up the signal. that saves me a bunch of money. living with george is going well. he doesnt seem like he is going to be a trouble maker. and he doesnt eat my food or anything. he doesnt really like my food i guess. he doesnt like cheese. cheese is the main ingredient in my life. and only a vary small part of that is kraft singles which is the only cheese he likes. today i made a really good tomato sauce with fresh sausage from whole foods and eggplant and portobello and i also made green curry. i had some basil left over that i needed to use before it went bad. on sunday i taught liz to make baked ziti. im teaching her to cook slowly but surely. baked ziti is a good place to start with only five or so ingredients and no complications. this sunday im doing fried chicken and mashed potatoes. i have a mountain of books and magazines to read for school and fun. i wanna vacation already.