just like amanda i find it strange when i come home to find that my history has been erased on my computer. not because im jealous like amanda is but because then when i type in websites ive got to type the whole name cause if its not it the history it cant fill it in for you. so then i have to be all like typing in all the letters and such work is bound to lead to carpel tunnel syndrome. ari left for paris yesterday. it feels weird. i dont know things are always so up in the air with us and i feel like she feels more inclined to be with me when things are up in the air on some level but it makes me feel uncomfortable and crazy. but these days its only when i start thinking about it. when i dont think about it its completely out of my mind which is a new thing for me. it is a great improvement. since aurora left i havent spoken to her except for once when she called and i was still asleep and our short 5 minute conversation was about a t shirt. i havent emailed denise in forever and i really should. steve(from salvador) emailed me last week and says he still wants to come visit. it was a big surprise since i havent heard from him in forever and i never write him but he was like you and vanessa made me promise id visit so im coming. i wish i was as goood a person as he is. perhaps its his wholesome quaker values. george watches bad tv. he keeps on watching things about september 11th and it makes me sick. i may be a bad person but i have never really felt much in terms of 9/11. in my opinion we had it comng and its sad but these things happen every day some places. and like i dont think it has changed my life profoundly.