1.31.2005

sweet sixteen was much fun. the wolf pact actually showed up, surprisingly. nina and i hooked up on the couch in front of everyone to everyones surprize. and then she hooked up with james. haha.

im still very tired

two more days and i'm off to paris, thank god.

i have a headache

1.29.2005


DSCN2984
Originally uploaded by jambonchampignon.

so i think my computer is finally fixed. when i came home from the bar last night i realized that the part had come and so in a slightly drunken stupor i took my computer apart and replaced the little flex cable that connects the hard drive to the logic board and so now it should be all better and VD free and everything. so far so good.

tonight is my big sweet sixteen party. a joint birthday party for george papa and me, but billed mostly as my sweet sixteen. in honor of the new program on the vh1. or is it mtv i think its mtv.

1.24.2005

so i called ari and we talked and i told her about my dreams even though i didnt want to because last time i told her about a dream i had she flipped out completely. so anyway we talked about things for the first time in who knows how long it seems like over a year. things seem to be moving in an interesting direction.

i feel a lot better anyway

shes really excited about when i go to paris

so in the past week i have had two dreams about adam (one of ari's other boyfriends) one just about him and the one last night it was both him and ari. since ive been on the medication i have more dreams and they generally relate much more to reality and current events as opposed to my normal dreams which are just complete randomness or about things and people that arent really pertinent to the right now.

so anyway this is not good. when i wake up after a dream like that i feel like shit and cant do anything except sleep more and feel like shit and want to die and ugh.

tomorrow i have an appointment with a therapist.

now i know what amanda feels/felt like and i feel bad about bitching at her for being a loser all these years. i feel so fragile and like school is not the place for me at all. i wish like her i could just quit my jobs and do nothing for a while.

I HATE MY MIND!

blog has suffered lately. i apologize.

events of late:

drinking, sleeping, schooling

miyo called me last week. it was kinda shocking. it brought back so much. miyo. hmmm... what goes on in my head? must call her soon.

im officially going to france a week from thursday. im so excited, both to get away from school and to see ari. paris on its own is not too exciting for me as we all know. i hope this trip is stress-free. but i cant even think about that or i will go on another anxiety bender.

im registered for 18 credits. we will see about this.

saw vanessa friday night. she seemed... absolutely mouth wateringly delicious. and a little flirty. she broke up with her boyrfriend.

i want less anxiety. the doctor says i have to wait 3 more weeks and then we will talk about my options.

1.09.2005

another vacation in new york. more sex with the same old girls. not that i dont love my girls. now im back in hell. commence the dread. ugh. spent the day with genevieve mostly. didnt sleep with her! she seems mostly sane. certainly more than me. karaoke with sherry was fun. next time i wont be sick and all singing badly. you just watch out.

i apologize for all of my behavior friday night. sorry about the humping merry. im not 100% sorry about the comments about jersey. that is deeply rooted in my being.

now i want more ass. NOW! im lonely and i need woman for comfort and release. crazy boy i am.