so in the past week i have had two dreams about adam (one of ari's other boyfriends) one just about him and the one last night it was both him and ari. since ive been on the medication i have more dreams and they generally relate much more to reality and current events as opposed to my normal dreams which are just complete randomness or about things and people that arent really pertinent to the right now.

so anyway this is not good. when i wake up after a dream like that i feel like shit and cant do anything except sleep more and feel like shit and want to die and ugh.

tomorrow i have an appointment with a therapist.

now i know what amanda feels/felt like and i feel bad about bitching at her for being a loser all these years. i feel so fragile and like school is not the place for me at all. i wish like her i could just quit my jobs and do nothing for a while.

I HATE MY MIND!