as usual things with ari are confusing and nerve racking. so far we havent had sex. but she wants to but is holding back for some crazy reason she has concocted as usual. whenever i see her my heart races. she was worried when she was hugging me goodbye tonight she thought i was dying. she said your heart is racing so fast. i said im just nervous. she said dont be nervous. so i dunno. is it love is it nervous. are they related, comingled or mutually exclusive? i spent over $400 on her christmas present. i think i actually have lost my mind completely. i am madly in love with this scatterbrained lunatic who has no idea what she wants nor how she wants it. she wants to lie in bed all day in our underwear cuddling, flirting and looking longingly into each other's eyes but not have sex and call it just friends. one of us is missing something. i dont think its me. well im missing the sex certainly.

to blog is to satisfy my need for lack of immediate repercussions or embarassment. its cowardly in a way. some things you just cant bear to verbally relate to people. because you know youre being a loser schmuck and you dont want to admit it. you believe in love and that above all love is the key to everything. love is forever and unconditional. to work on a relationship has many meanings. to be involved with a woman who forgets what love is and what it means everytime youre apart is a sad thing.

from aurora's moral responsibility to ari's who knows what. women are enigmatic beings. impulsive or overly calculated and analyzed at the wrong times. the mind of a woman is a giant monkey wrench with the sole purpose of being thrown deep into the core of a man's mechanism.

it's time we wound our clocks and tightened our screws. there is a whole barrel of monkeys out there and a shortage of mechanics.