spoke to ari, attempt at normal conversation failed. i havent been capable of normal conversation all day. first with amanda agreeing to go sit shiva on long island cause she wants to go to trader joes. and then trying to talk to ari when all i really want to do is scream in her face about how horrible she is to and for me and how she makes me feel like shit with her fucked up ideas about relationships and shit. how she has been back in the country for almost a week and hasnt called or emailed or texted me and before that it was a week since the last email. and i hate her for controling me like this with her hands on the dial for my emotions. i hate her for making or breaking my happiness when we are in contact.