today i am dissapointed in amanda. instead of defeding my right to say whatever i want, she attacked me for "screwing around with [her] family". she called me a "bratty asshole" and referred to the things i say on my blog as "snotty [and] spoiled".

fine. i can take it.

amanda is the most self centered egoistic person i know besides myself. she complains about how i am not being supportive enough (not to me of course) because i wont drop everything to come home to see the baby. i am going through serious shit right now of my own. she has provided no support to me. i am trying to graduate from college. i have a 30 page paper that i am writing and writing and writing. if you have written a 30 page research paper you know how consuming it is. i was going to come down for the birth but she insisted that i not come. after that weekend it became impossible for me to leave my work since i have no money to buy a ticket and i have so much work. i called her twice last week to talk to her, be supportive even, and she has not called me back to this day. i came to her fucking baby shower which was one of the most painfully boring wastes of my time i can imagine. and i spent a hundred dollars on shit for the goddamn baby. and she gave me a hard time for not coming sooner.

i am tired of having a relationship with her on her terms and on her terms only.

AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED SHE IS NO BETTER THAN SOMERSTEIN. THEY ARE THE SAME BULLSHIT.

and i really mean that, wholeheartedly

now before you judge me for being an irresponsible drug addict lets take a look at who i am

im 21, my mother died when i was 17 and a senoir year in highschool. i got into one of the 30 best universities in the united states and took no time off. in may i will recieve a bachelors degree in BOTH latin american studies AND international development. tulane has the number 2 latin american studies program in the united states and the international development program is one of only a handfull in the country. i spent a year in brazil studying in portuguese as a normal brazilian university student after a year of studying the portuguese language at tulane.

i should not have to defend myself but since no one else will (especially not amanda) i feel i have no choice.

so i say fuck you amanda for not taking my side or at least dending my right to say what i want. fuck you for not insisting that i am an entirely responsible person especially when caring for another human being. fuck you amanda for saying that i am not being supportive enough.

im sorry i know i promised i wouldnt discuss this further but its just too upsetting for me to not say my piece.

last night i had the most vivid dream about my mother. it was crazy she was yelling at me to get out of bed and everything. we were in some strange version of the apartment on prospect park west. oh how i miss that place.