one would guess that after dating someone for 3 and a half years you would be able to read them. but not so much. in my life i have never really been able to distinguish where friendly ends and flirty begins. and furthermore where flirty ends and obvious begins. i also dont know when to give up. sometimes i feel like someone else should make my decisions for me but i dont think i would be so keen on following orders if i disagreed.
spread the word i may look harsh on the outside but im soft and squishy in the middle.
im never able to stay mad at anyone and even if im still mad i dont really outwardly show it. i think my mother demented me into being just like her and just always being pleasant with everyone even my enemies and taking everything out on myself or loved ones behind closed doors. the training that we wasps get is really subliminal and inescapable. all i want to do is take charge of the anger and resentment but the brainwashing always gets in the way. being mean or angry at someone makes me feel guilty and thats no fair.
you know what i really want. i wanna get really stoned and sit in the dark and listen to the song that darren made with the camera shutter noises. last year amanda and ari and i got stoned and sat in the dark of our apartment on plaza street and she put it on after much stoned hype on her part and she was absolutely right. its like butterflies. or as if there was a flock of cameras that flitted around like butterflies and with each flit of their camera wings they make their little shutter noise.
i also want some huevos rancheros from the place on fifth ave and like 11th st. mmm.
subbacultcha always reminds me of mike gigignimiailijghdlgheski or however but you know who im talking about any way so at jonica's birthday party last year. i could go for another party like that with the dog torturing and the marbles and the country line dancing.