after some complaints were filed i managed to fiddle with the thing that is written in wreird computer language and so whatever in the end i was able to make everything bigger so that we can read me blog. i've always been able to read it but certain ambers have not. the big question for today is to leave the house or to stay inside for another entire day to bring the hour count up to something like 60 or so. what am i going to do anyway. last night i think i hurt izabelle's feelings cause she called me at like 1:30 and i was watching tv and like i had already gotten ready for bed (translation: i had already taken some sleeping pills) and so i wasnt wanting to go out at that point and she aked me if i wanted to go to a balada (dance club) and i was like no. and she was like are you sure and i'm like no. and shes like why and im like cause i'm fucking tired of going dancing i dont want to go dancing. and i am i can only go out to clubs once in a while not like once a week or more. it gets really tired and especially since she refuses to go to hip hop clubs it makes it even more tiring cause there is no vareity and why can't i have people who like to go out without going dancing. whats the point of going to a club with friends if youre just going to be dancing either by yourself or with some brazilian that attaches himself to you within minutes. thats really no fun for me and i feel like its antisocial in terms of intragroupalness. I LOVE BARS! they are the best places in the world and if you think its boring to sit around and talk to your friends and drink and chill than you suck and i know it's a little harder in brazil because most places they dont play music but still. and i'm sorry but that's all she ever wants to do it seems like and it's just i dont know perhaps its because shes from LA and not a real new yorker. she has been described as the rich girl that has all the clothes and all the boys attention. its true. it has also been said that she's not as smart as vanessa and i but she tries really hard to keep up and its sweet. also true. but still vanessa can't really keep up. thats what makes me miss my friends from home. not only do they know me the best but i never have to deal with someone not keeping up. and i know that im sounding all conceited but no its true. my friends from other places only fit into one area of my personality. when i told someone that i wasnt really talking to vanessa their only response was "vanessa is nice but her perfume smells trashy." izabelle is closer to the top of my list than vanessa. since my host mother is away for the weekend my host father brought over his girlfriend and her son as usual (my host parents are divorced but live together) so anyway the kid never shuts up and i can't understand him and he wont go to bed until i go to bed and i dont know how old he is maybe 10 i dont know but like he is the one person in brazil that i cant understand and he wont shut up. brazilians are uncomfortable with silence. if there are two people in the same room and theyre not talking there is something wrong. hence my big problem with brazilians. we all know i'm the big mute. i miss my silence everyone thinks either i'm angry or depressed or stupid because i dont like to talk. im coming home soon. sooner than i thought i think. because of visa issues i have to leave at least a day earlier but im thinking perhaps like almost a week earlier so i can make the last thursday of june for the party.