i have given ari so so so many outs from our relationship and she has refused all of them. for once.

is it bad if she asks me if im happy and i lie and say yes? i feel like i could be happy but not the way things are.

when youre in a relationship how much contact with an ex is acceptable? i feel like no contact would be the best but is not necessary. are long drawn out phone conversations in the middle of the night ok? im thinking no. i dont know. i feel like im not sure if i have the right to freak out or not. i want to. i am on the inside.

today several people at work made me want to slit their throats.

i think i need to get back on my meds asap cause im feeling a lot less balanced right now.

is it normal as an early twentysomething to be constantly worried that youre starting to manfest your schizophrenia? worrying that the voices might start getting louder or that you might go through with your impulsive thoughts and hurt yourself or someone else. i dunno.